A doubting self

For a while, I have been in an encounter of sorts, in that I have decided to enter into a wrestling match with someone. This ‘someone’ is the doubting self in me- an ever-present enemy whose claim to fame is the efficiency with which it wrecks my attempts at being my best self. In the first few steps that I have taken towards tackling it head-on, one thing has become abundantly clear- Self-doubt is a self-feeding, self-seeding monster. It wrecks your inner self enough to make you perform well below your abilities, and then uses those lousy results to justify its existence- “See, you were never good enough. Didn’t I warn you?” It whispers nonsense into your ears, and yet you stand there, mute and nodding your head, believing every word.

Why? Because there seems to be evidence to support its claims. The associated gaslighting overshadows the fact that those sub-par results were due to interference from your doubting self, and are not a reflection of your true abilities. The self-doubt leads to less-than-desirable results in every aspect of your life, which, in turn, is the precursor for more self-doubt. A vicious cycle capable of unleashing devastation. A monster capable of wrecking lives.